My partner thinks I fish for compliments a lot. I am just trying to get him to notice me over the video games and his friends. I feel beautiful when people spend time with me and share their stories with me, whether it’s over makeup and beauty products or not. I am most excited and visually ecstacic when I’m in a relationship that allows compromise in a gentle way. I love being beautiful and I love being reminded that I’m beautiful, in one way shape or another.
That time has ended with my relationship.
The perfuncatory kisses on the cheek and a lazy embrace will suffice. I initiate the “I love yous” which only are rebutted by, “you say it so often and i don’t know why?”
UH. DUH. Because I love you??
Makeup and beauty boosts my self esteem on a daily basis. I sometimes feel like he looks at me with rolled eyes, “oh why did you go and make yourself look like a whore again.” Well, perhaps with my whore-ish makeup, I can get some attention that you’re not giving me.
I don’t feel pretty every single day of our relationship and instead of soothing me and letting me know that i actually am pretty, i get no verbal or physical signal indicating that I may or may not be pretty. There are pretty days and there are ugly days, but guys, we want you to tell us we’re pretty and the prettiest ever on any day. It’s a compromise you have to make because your logical mind is fighting it. But come on. Just do it for us and for the stability and peace of your relationship.
Tonight I stopped feeling beautiful in my relationship because my partner’s friend showed him a picture and asked, “does that look like liz?” and my partner replied, “well she looks Filippino.” Ok that’s not offensive, but then my partner’s friend told my partner that he was intending on marrying his gf, and *I* was meant to get the proposal first. My partner seemed very happy for him and didn’t understand why I would also not be as happy. Um. HUULLLLOO. You promised me a timeline – At the beginning of the year I said I would only be happy with him moving in with me if he proposed by June. June has now passed. July has now passed. We are creeping on August. I feel like I will NEVER get there with this guy. I feel like he has found someone more beautiful or is just waiting for one out there. I am bawling in tears crying this post. He has isolated himself. I don’t know what to do. Is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back?