This is going to be part of my ThreeMonthsToThirty tag because I’m trying to work on psychological growth and well being and not just physical well being. I have long been a believer that toxic people ruin other people’s lives and that I don’t want to knowingly have a saboteur in mine, disguised as a ‘friend’. There have been many changes in my social life over the past few years and a lot have been painful but beneficial. People who no longer served a positive purpose or started tainting everyone’s general well being with negative or bigoted attitudes have fallen away. It has meant that my social circle has expanded and contracted somewhat, but the few who remain I know and trust to be in my life because they like me for me and not for what I can offer them or gain for them.
Not everyone in my life is going to like me and I’m not going to like everyone either. I try to make sure everyone in my life *is* someone I like, but there are a few on the fringe or mutual friends/acquaintances that would just be too difficult to manage if you didn’t try to get along with them despite personality/belief differences. I’ve never stopped being friends with someone just because they’re friends with another person I don’t like. That’s completely immature and belongs in highschool. Even in highschool I didn’t engage in that kind of bullshit politics. In the last few years I’ve certainly learned who my real friends are and those who merely claim to be. I feel like most of those who claimed to be my friends have naturally fallen away as I have nothing to benefit them and I have actively pushed away a few because of drama they’ve tried to start with me. I smell bullshit pretty quickly and tend to walk away without a second thought, and it’s cost me friendships that weren’t really worth much anyway.
Then there are people who come into your life who you barely know but offer so much kindness and support just because you’re going through a rough time. At first I find it hard to trust these people because I’ve had experiences where people have approached me kindly but then taken the information I give them and dispense it as gossip to others. I would like to think that I give people the benefit of the doubt but you can’t go through life with blinders on either. There are a handful of people who play games and I know to keep my mouth shut with them but still smile and pretend to be happy (something I hate doing but have to because there are valuable mutual friendships I want to keep). Once upon a time I would have thought it was hypocritical or ‘fake’ to put on that friendly face, but I know the cost is lesser than the reward of genuine friendship with the people who matter.
I love my friends and even if they’re friends with people I dislike, those people matter because they are important to my loved ones. If I have to ‘grin and bear it’ it’s ok to do so and to dislike each other but be respectful and honor the mutual friends. You can dislike people and not be a complete asshat to them and if you’re tempted to be an asshat, then just walk away before you’ve got any chance to commit some form of ass-hattery 😛