Here are a small array of products that I had to break up with in the last 6 months:
L’Oreal Lumi Magique Primer… I bought you on recommendation from Youtube, and while you are a beautiful highlight for normal to dry skin, I’m afraid you’re far too pearly to act as a primer without me looking like Casper the ghost, and I can’t find that many practical applications other than highlight on my skin (I’d certainly never use you as a primer under foundation, you’re just too loud for that). I did like you for a bit, and I’ll use you when I want some cheek bone shimmer shimmer, but you’re a bit of a handful, so I think we should see other people.
Maybelline Eyestudio Gel liner… I heard you were an exquisite gel eyeliner with lasting power for the ages but alas, I was greatly disappointed when you smudged all over my eyelids after an hour and inevitably also onto whomever I kissed (which is kind of awkward to think about, but that’s how smudgey you are). I’m looking for a gel liner who will have more commitment and is in it for the long haul.
Rimmel Lash Accelerator Mascara… I liked nearly everything about you, except, you need to take a bath. Seriously, you stink. It’s not even a bearable chemical stink, instead, if you imagine the chemical stink bathed in B.O. and then drowned in more chemical stink. Maybe I got a bad batch? I haven’t really heard any other complaints about your odour, but I’m not really willing to risk it.
Australis Paparazzi Perfect Blush… I know I only got you as a sample in a show bag and I should be grateful that I got any sort of full sized makeup product for free, but you’re a bit of a liar and I can’t stand dishonesty in my makeup products (or in anything else of course). You say you’re a blush, yet even with my complexion, your brown tones lend to being more of a bronzer, which would have been fine but you’re mixed with bits of highlight tones and a hellavalot of shimmer, which doesn’t make much sense to me. Are you a blush? Are you a bronzer? Are you a highlighter? I think you’re aiming for a mix of all, which is a bit misleading, but once you’ve figured yourself out, maybe you can call me…
Rimmel Scandaleyes liner in bronze… All the beauty blogs and youtubers raved about you, but I think you suffer the same traits as the maybelline gel eyeliner and just don’t work on my oily lids. I need a liner with more staying power, and for normal/dry lids, I’m sure you’d find your match, but unfortunately, you’re not clingy enough for mine.
L.A. Colors jumbo eyepencil… You were so cute, staring at me displaying such a fun array of bright yet wearable colours and looking like a good alternative to the infamous NYX jumbo eye pencils. I bought you on sale and I loved the wearable yet daring shades I had in front of me, so I decided to take you out to dinner, but in the end, you didn’t even make it to dessert. Smudging on both my top and bottom lids and making me look like a sad clown, I was totally embarrassed when I realised the mess on my face when it was far too late. I got what I paid for… a cheap date.
Garnier Roll On eye-thingy… The cool kid! Literally! Looking sleek and stylish and approachable in bright green and gliding on underneath my eyes giving me a lovely cooling yet moisturised under-eye area, and consistently so. Compact and light, stylish yet functional, I thought I’d found the one. But then I heard through the grapevine that you’d been hiding a big, nasty secret: you’re an alcoholic. Sure you had some harmless ingredients but you concealed a dirty one that would not only hurt my skin, but also my feelings. I thought you were better than that, roll on eye thingy, but you were deceitful with your ingredients and I couldn’t overlook that.
Lancome Bi-Facil Makeup Remover… Everyone told me you’d be my match – you’d remove my eye and face makeup effortless without any residue while remaining sensitive and not harming my delicate eyes. You’re silicone based and come in very beautiful packaging, and you’re Lancome, so you’ve got good breeding. And yet, while you do everything you claim to do, and undoubtedly you’re probably one of the best, you’re just so… greedy. You take off my makeup, sure, but every drop I use I feel like I’m using liquid gold only for it to be thrown away. You’re not cheap, you do your job well, but you’re just not as amazing as you should be for how much you cost. I get better mileage with my Garnier 2 in 1 Gentle Make-Up remover as it does virtually the same thing but at a much better price.
Maybelline New York Quad (Forest)… Ok, I admit it, I bought you on a whim. You looked nice on the shelf with colours I didn’t have at the time and I was frankly, young and inexperienced. I didn’t know much about makeup back then, and I didn’t realise you’d be pigmented yet fairly chalky and generally uninspiring. I use you on occasion just because you’re there, but I never get much staying power even with primer and I didn’t have much of a collection at the time of purchase. I was young and naive. We all make mistakes.
Thankfully there is only a small collection of products I broke up with, and while they’re my unfavourites, I will still use them just so they don’t go to waste, but clearly they’re not my preferred items. I was disappointed with most of them because I did actually expect they’d be much better than they ended up being, but c’est la vie. Do you have any products you’re just not that into?