change

Planning my health kick

I signed up for an online 30 day health plan today and I’m feeling motivated. I also went to the gym for the first time in many, many months, so I’m feeling accomplished. It’s hard, starting this all over again, when I used to be quite fit for a while, but it’s worth it, especially if we’re trying to get fertility things sorted.

I really want to make sure I feel great in the last few months of being 29, so I can’t look back and say, “I wish I did that before 30” (I’m silly like that). My partner and I went grocery shopping tonight and bought some healthy things which I’ll start eating tomorrow and it is not as daunting as some of the other plans I’ve tried. No crappy shakes, regular food that I actually like and not too processed and a sensible eating plan. I’m looking forward to starting!

Planning my health kick

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Three Months to Thirty

Today is the 19th of August, 2013, 3 months to the day til I turn the big THREE-OH. 

I’m going to introduce a part of my blog that will be tagged #ThreeMonthsToThirty that will focus on my health and lifestyle and changes I want to make (very last minute) to how I eat and live and my journey in the last 3 months of being 29. 

I have to admit, I’ve really let my health slide over the last 5 years. I wasn’t healthy or active growing up, but I was thin until 5th grade, when I discovered that food could numb the pain of bullying and growing up. It wasn’t until I was 19 that I discovered that exercise and treating your body right with the right food could give me the same pleasure without the guilt or weight gain. Then at 25 I started cycling into a deep depression triggered by a number of life changing events in my early twenties, that leads me where I am today: overweight, inactive and unhappy.

I’ve gone through 3 life changing bouts of depression, the first started when I was 15, then again at around 17/18 and then the worst at 28. I’ve finally come to accept that I can’t self medicate or get rid of my depression with temporary lifestyle changes, I can only try to manage my depression through longer commitments and being kind to myself. It’s a hard lesson to learn and I’m still trying everyday, but the familiarity of failure is seductive and easy to fall back into. 

So over the next 3 months I’ll be documenting my attempt at weightloss and an overall lifestyle change that will incorporate more activity, better nutrition and more fun in general. This will still remain primarily a beauty & Millie blog but will have a few of these entries peppered between normal posts.

What are some milestones you’d like to achieve over the next few months or at least before the end of the year? 

 

 

Today is the day

Today is the day my partner and I make some huge life decisions. Firstly, we decide whether or not we want to be together after nearly 6 years in a fun but tumultuous relationship. We love each other very much, have a lot of intellectual and moral ground in common, yet find some of the daily grind with each other very difficult and have a few very opposing relationship-issue views. Second of all, we also must decide whether or not we are ready to have a baby… “SAY WHHHAAATTT??”. I hear you. We have to decide whether we will have a baby together because I have severe endometriosis. The doctor says it’s now or potentially never. HUGE pressure, right?

I’ve had 2 surgeries and a colonoscopy regarding my endometriosis. All within the last 8 months. My fallopian tubes are basically blocked and I have endometriosis everywhere in my pelvis (like a sauce splatter, so my OB/GYN colourfully says). They’ve scraped most of the endometriosis out, but the chances of it growing back are quite high… unless my hormone levels are taken care of, which is what being pregnant does… for 9 months. It basically buys me 9 months of non-endometriosis (the endo doesn’t grow for that time that I’m pregnant because it has nothing to feed on; I can’t go into the science because I’m crap at it! Google is your friend if you’re curious!) but after that, it could come back. Unless I just stay pregnant for the rest of my life, which sounds romantic in some way, but hellish in a more practical, realistic way… to me anyway 😛

Switching back to the relationship, we’ve had a few sessions of counselling which have been both good and bad at times. The last session ended on a rather somber note, of us having to decide what our minimum requirements in being in a relationship were to each of us, and basically comparing notes at the next session and seeing if we had enough common ground to stay together. That session is this afternoon, following the IVF consultation with an IVF nurse and our OB/GYN.

If we decided to split, we could come to some sort of agreement where he potentially donates his sperm anyway, but it would be messy and painful. I don’t think I could have a baby with someone who wasn’t my partner at the time and I feel like I’m not strong enough to go it alone. For me, it would be a choice between having a baby with my partner, or having no baby at all; endometriosis or no endometriosis.

This expression sums things up quite eloquently:Image

Millie is off sunbaking / napping so I can’t disturb her with my concerns (she’s available 99% of the time, but a pup needs to rest).

I’ve read through the paperwork and I think I know that trying IVF will be the path of less regret, but having children has never been on my life goal list, not like some people I know who have always longed to start their own families. I have my own personal issues that have made me hesitant in the past about starting my own family, but they seem negated by the medical urgency to ‘solve’ the problem of endo. Endometriosis is like cancer but is not malignant… but by golly, I would say it affects people in a very similar way. It’s not easy to get rid of and can change your life completely (I’m not in any way trying to minimise cancer at all, mind you).

Life is complicated, but tomorrow is promised to no one, so you must do what you can now.

Peace and love from Lizzie and Millie x